Good Life: TechCheck: Grateful Gorilla Gazette Emails

I'm generally annoyed by articles urging beleaguered wives to provide mostly positive feedback to their Martian husbands. Nonetheless, no matter how annoyed I get, I like to try what works, rather than what should work, but almost never does.

Nagging seems to work for my mother, judging from her lifelong reliance on the tactic, but I'm not a nagger; I don't have the stamina. Wars of attrition bemuse me (Sure, Vietnam beat the US, but, exactly, who won that conflict?). For me, to fight generally means to lose, one way or the other.

Anyway, it infuriates me to have to repeat myself, and repetition seems basic to nagging. Really, what part of DON'T EVER DO IT AGAIN is so difficult to understand? But alas, I've been married for nearly 11 years and I'm really tired, so the Positive Reinforcement LifeSaver is looking good to this sinking wench.

Nonetheless I feel dorky saying, "Honey, I liked it when you refilled the toilet paper in its holder, and remembered to write down 'toilet paper' on the shopping list, so I knew to buy more. It feels good to be able to wipe my as..."

Hmm. So I developed the "Grateful Gorilla Gazette," a (mostly) daily email I send to my husband headlining the things he did that day that really helped me and that I'm grateful for (like arranging my son's parent teacher conference and showing up for it yesterday, so that I didn't have to do the babysitting run-around with my toddler and then trudge into the city during rush hour; it would have involved 2-4 hours of travel for a 10 minute conference). I truly was grateful, and the authenticity of the email made be feel good about the whole thing. I got to stay home and watch "Weeds" as I relatively leisurely prepared dinner).

The Gazette emails can be dashed off in 5-10 minutes -- and you and the recipient have a RECORD of the exchange. (Read: Easy and Efficient).

The Grateful Gorilla Gazette idea sprung from a stuffed animal, called BrownNose Gorilla, which I bought my husband for Valentine's Day years ago. BrownNose Gorilla is dressed in a suit and has a microchip inside. When you squeeze the gorilla's hand, he praises. "Great Idea," he syruply says, "You're Awesome."

My husband really likes the e-bulletins. He gets deluged with e-demands and "requests" and criticisms all day at work, and my Grateful Guerrilla is like an e-bomb that explodes with positive energy (for him and for me).

When I'm grateful, my pie feels bigger. I feel like I received something; I feel fuller. Abundant. Hey, I think, there's enough here for me and others too. It's not like I had to slice a piece of the meager me to give to someone else.

So, publish your own Grateful Gorilla (or whichever animal avatar you choose) Gazette today. Think of someone who did something today or this week that you appreciated, that helped you, and dash off a quick e-thanks today. Don't spend too much time (unless you get fired up and want to keep writing). This is meant to be an easy and mutually energizing act that you can practice daily.

So get going, and grab some gratitude, and hurl it at someone. Now!