My favorite columnist Nicolas Kristoff looks at data showing that America's economic leadership has more to do with near-universal post-elementary education than with government attempts to expand industry. Highly-educated people innovate, and create the industries that create jobs. Consider how many jobs Bill Gates created for other highly-educated people, who went on to form their own companies that employed other college-educated people, and so on. Think Silicon Valley.
Personally, I'd like to see the GI bill reinvented so that all returning veterans get a chance to educate themselves and, thereby, expand their opportunities. Obama's grandfather, who was a sergeant in Patton's Army in Europe during WWII, used the GI bill to get an education. I believe the GI Bill was a key factor in America's post war economic boom.
Whatever your views on the Iraqi war, the fact remains that the US government asked these men and women to risk their lives, and the US government owes an extraordinary debt to these soldiers. By investing in human resources, and offering financial aid to veterans and family members (who have suffered tremendously during soldiers' absence), the US can do good, and do well economically in the long run.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
Work-Family Balance: White House Style
FINALLY, the possibility of genuine, serious attention to work-family issues -- not the past and current BS debate about whether a woman should "work" or not (because the unpaid stuff moms do doesn't count as "work," which is limited to activities that have present or future economic value). Check out the New York Times Magazine story about how the Obama family might manage their leadership and family roles.
Here's the REAL DEBATE (based on, and relevant to, the realities of life, as lived by real people): How can mothers AND fathers do demanding paid work as well as demanding unpaid work (of caring for families, including extended family like grandparents).
Attention will focus on Michelle's ability to "balance," of course. Alas, we'll have to take baby steps on honesty's road... Perhaps someday we can talk about whether it's possible for fathers to have a hyper-charged career and adequately parent their children? Looking at Bush, Jr., and some other not-so-leading sons, suggests sometimes the answer is no.
Here's the REAL DEBATE (based on, and relevant to, the realities of life, as lived by real people): How can mothers AND fathers do demanding paid work as well as demanding unpaid work (of caring for families, including extended family like grandparents).
Attention will focus on Michelle's ability to "balance," of course. Alas, we'll have to take baby steps on honesty's road... Perhaps someday we can talk about whether it's possible for fathers to have a hyper-charged career and adequately parent their children? Looking at Bush, Jr., and some other not-so-leading sons, suggests sometimes the answer is no.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Birthday Song of Myself
This year, many friends and I have turned 38. So to honor that, I post three stanzas from Walt Whitman's explosive poem, Song of Myself, which references his self at age 37. OK, it's a year late, but take heed, the message remains relevant to the extreme. So Kudos to all my October-birthed friends.
Song of Myself
by Walt Whitman
From Leaves of Grass
1
I celebrate myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.
I loafe and invite my soul,
I lean and loafe at my ease observing a spear of summer grass.
My tongue, every atom of my blood, form'd from this soil, this air,
Born here of parents born here from parents the same, and their
parents the same,
I, now thirty-seven years old in perfect health begin,
Hoping to cease not till death.
Creeds and schools in abeyance,
Retiring back a while sufficed at what they are, but never forgotten,
I harbor for good or bad, I permit to speak at every hazard,
Nature without check with original energy.
51
The past and present wilt--I have fill'd them, emptied them.
And proceed to fill my next fold of the future.
Listener up there! what have you to confide to me?
Look in my face while I snuff the sidle of evening,
(Talk honestly, no one else hears you, and I stay only a minute longer.)
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
I concentrate toward them that are nigh, I wait on the door-slab.
Who has done his day's work? who will soonest be through with his supper?
Who wishes to walk with me?
Will you speak before I am gone? will you prove already too late?
52
The spotted hawk swoops by and accuses me, he complains of my gab
and my loitering.
I too am not a bit tamed, I too am untranslatable,
I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world.
The last scud of day holds back for me,
It flings my likeness after the rest and true as any on the shadow'd wilds,
It coaxes me to the vapor and the dusk.
I depart as air, I shake my white locks at the runaway sun,
I effuse my flesh in eddies, and drift it in lacy jags.
I bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the grass I love,
If you want me again look for me under your boot-soles.
You will hardly know who I am or what I mean,
But I shall be good health to you nevertheless,
And filter and fibre your blood.
Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,
Missing me one place search another,
I stop somewhere waiting for you.
Song of Myself
by Walt Whitman
From Leaves of Grass
1
I celebrate myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.
I loafe and invite my soul,
I lean and loafe at my ease observing a spear of summer grass.
My tongue, every atom of my blood, form'd from this soil, this air,
Born here of parents born here from parents the same, and their
parents the same,
I, now thirty-seven years old in perfect health begin,
Hoping to cease not till death.
Creeds and schools in abeyance,
Retiring back a while sufficed at what they are, but never forgotten,
I harbor for good or bad, I permit to speak at every hazard,
Nature without check with original energy.
51
The past and present wilt--I have fill'd them, emptied them.
And proceed to fill my next fold of the future.
Listener up there! what have you to confide to me?
Look in my face while I snuff the sidle of evening,
(Talk honestly, no one else hears you, and I stay only a minute longer.)
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
I concentrate toward them that are nigh, I wait on the door-slab.
Who has done his day's work? who will soonest be through with his supper?
Who wishes to walk with me?
Will you speak before I am gone? will you prove already too late?
52
The spotted hawk swoops by and accuses me, he complains of my gab
and my loitering.
I too am not a bit tamed, I too am untranslatable,
I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world.
The last scud of day holds back for me,
It flings my likeness after the rest and true as any on the shadow'd wilds,
It coaxes me to the vapor and the dusk.
I depart as air, I shake my white locks at the runaway sun,
I effuse my flesh in eddies, and drift it in lacy jags.
I bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the grass I love,
If you want me again look for me under your boot-soles.
You will hardly know who I am or what I mean,
But I shall be good health to you nevertheless,
And filter and fibre your blood.
Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,
Missing me one place search another,
I stop somewhere waiting for you.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
More Empathy Please...
Somewhere I picked up this notion that empathy and sympathy are distinct, and that empathy is more sophisticated and highly rare. Basically sympathy is the ability to appreciate the emotional state of another, with reference to similar emotions once experienced. For example, you see someone crying over a loss and you remember a similar loss and how sad that made you feel, and so you are able to understand the other's emotional state. Some adults are, for example, sympathetic to the pleas of children because those adults remember what it was like to feel like a child.
Empathy, however, is not necessarily based on commonality. It is an act of imagination, whereby you try to feel what someone else might be feeling, even despite a lack of personal experience. The greatest actors, for example, are masters of empathy. Meryl Streep was never a holocaust survivor, and yet she was able to endow Sophie with the emotional power of a woman who chose between life and death, for herself and others. Streep is so empathetic that she was able to humanize the devilish Editor in the Devil wears Prada.
Being the nerd that I am, I checked the dictionary. Webster describes empathy as "the capacity for participation in another's feelings or ideas." Or "the imaginative projection of a subjective state into an object so that the object appears to be infused with it." Sympathy springs from the french word for "having common feelings." Sympathy refers to a "unity of harmony in action or effects...an inclination to think or feel alike...emotional or intellectual accord."
So sympathy is like silver, and empathy like gold: both are valuable and precious. I'm not denigrating sympathy. It's the core of community life: common emotional understandings and values make civil life and common law possible. But empathy is essential when different types of people come together. And I'm not just talking about multicultural societies, I'm referring to diversity within families. Men must live with women, conservative fathers with wives and children itching for change, introverts with extroverts, cautious moms with daring children, etc.
The Golden Rule is perhaps the basic block of Western/Christian morality. Treat others as you would like to be treated. I'm convinced, however, that's not enough. Adherence to the Golden Rule often leads to resentment, and frustrated expectations of reciprocity. It assumes that what one wants is also what others want, and that is not so. My mom (and I imagine, many other moms) once said, perplexed: I did everything for my children, and you're not happy. I had often asked for one thing, and been given another. I had asked for what I wanted or needed, and was given what the giver believed I should want or need, based on their wants and needs.
I remember when I was 11, I once received a gift from an older relative of $10 shampoo, which today probably doesn't seem like an odd gift for a tween, but back then shocked me. She also treated me to expensive skin analysis, even though I had smooth, clear skin. That same year, I bought black licorice jelly beans for all my friends, and was shocked to discover that most people hated black licorice. That year, my study of empathy was launched. Yes, these are silly examples. How about the immigrant parent who works two jobs, so that the quiet, artistic son can go to medical or business school, and become a success someday?
I imagine empathetic failure is the crux of most family/marital problems. Not to mention international imbroglios.
So how do we know what someone feels, without reference to our own feelings and ideas, i.e., how do we experience empathy? For starters, we listen. Most of the time people will say what they mean, however cryptically. Often, if we've established a pattern of listening, people will speak their truth. It's tempting to think: they don't really know what they want/they're wrong, etc., especially if the speaker is younger and/or less experienced, but why assume that we know better, given our extremely limited knowledge of their situation? That always blows my mind: how quickly most people assume they know better or have good advice to give.
Here's what I think: each of us has had years of experience living our lives, feeling our feelings, perceiving those around us, and adjusting to our place in the world. We are all experts on ourselves. Sure, our views are often distorted. Sometimes we do want the wrong things. And, true, many people seem woefully un-self-aware. But, ultimately, I am THE expert about me, and you are THE expert about you. And generally, we don't know what's best for another individual, though we might have suggestions and much help to offer. Really, how on earth could another know what's best compared to the person who has spent their whole life learning about themselves, consciously and unconsciously?
From a religious standpoint, each person has a soul, and that separateness should be respected, even as we realize our common bond as humans consecrated with souls. Practically speaking, if we want to use someone to further our goals, empathy might best be avoided: learning to feel what another feels might distract us from doing what we need to do to get what we want. If we truly allow ourselves to feel another's pain, and experience their desire, we might not manipulate them into sublimating their goals in favor of ours.
It's easy to see why empathy is so rare. But, the best kind of love requires empathy.
Empathy, however, is not necessarily based on commonality. It is an act of imagination, whereby you try to feel what someone else might be feeling, even despite a lack of personal experience. The greatest actors, for example, are masters of empathy. Meryl Streep was never a holocaust survivor, and yet she was able to endow Sophie with the emotional power of a woman who chose between life and death, for herself and others. Streep is so empathetic that she was able to humanize the devilish Editor in the Devil wears Prada.
Being the nerd that I am, I checked the dictionary. Webster describes empathy as "the capacity for participation in another's feelings or ideas." Or "the imaginative projection of a subjective state into an object so that the object appears to be infused with it." Sympathy springs from the french word for "having common feelings." Sympathy refers to a "unity of harmony in action or effects...an inclination to think or feel alike...emotional or intellectual accord."
So sympathy is like silver, and empathy like gold: both are valuable and precious. I'm not denigrating sympathy. It's the core of community life: common emotional understandings and values make civil life and common law possible. But empathy is essential when different types of people come together. And I'm not just talking about multicultural societies, I'm referring to diversity within families. Men must live with women, conservative fathers with wives and children itching for change, introverts with extroverts, cautious moms with daring children, etc.
The Golden Rule is perhaps the basic block of Western/Christian morality. Treat others as you would like to be treated. I'm convinced, however, that's not enough. Adherence to the Golden Rule often leads to resentment, and frustrated expectations of reciprocity. It assumes that what one wants is also what others want, and that is not so. My mom (and I imagine, many other moms) once said, perplexed: I did everything for my children, and you're not happy. I had often asked for one thing, and been given another. I had asked for what I wanted or needed, and was given what the giver believed I should want or need, based on their wants and needs.
I remember when I was 11, I once received a gift from an older relative of $10 shampoo, which today probably doesn't seem like an odd gift for a tween, but back then shocked me. She also treated me to expensive skin analysis, even though I had smooth, clear skin. That same year, I bought black licorice jelly beans for all my friends, and was shocked to discover that most people hated black licorice. That year, my study of empathy was launched. Yes, these are silly examples. How about the immigrant parent who works two jobs, so that the quiet, artistic son can go to medical or business school, and become a success someday?
I imagine empathetic failure is the crux of most family/marital problems. Not to mention international imbroglios.
So how do we know what someone feels, without reference to our own feelings and ideas, i.e., how do we experience empathy? For starters, we listen. Most of the time people will say what they mean, however cryptically. Often, if we've established a pattern of listening, people will speak their truth. It's tempting to think: they don't really know what they want/they're wrong, etc., especially if the speaker is younger and/or less experienced, but why assume that we know better, given our extremely limited knowledge of their situation? That always blows my mind: how quickly most people assume they know better or have good advice to give.
Here's what I think: each of us has had years of experience living our lives, feeling our feelings, perceiving those around us, and adjusting to our place in the world. We are all experts on ourselves. Sure, our views are often distorted. Sometimes we do want the wrong things. And, true, many people seem woefully un-self-aware. But, ultimately, I am THE expert about me, and you are THE expert about you. And generally, we don't know what's best for another individual, though we might have suggestions and much help to offer. Really, how on earth could another know what's best compared to the person who has spent their whole life learning about themselves, consciously and unconsciously?
From a religious standpoint, each person has a soul, and that separateness should be respected, even as we realize our common bond as humans consecrated with souls. Practically speaking, if we want to use someone to further our goals, empathy might best be avoided: learning to feel what another feels might distract us from doing what we need to do to get what we want. If we truly allow ourselves to feel another's pain, and experience their desire, we might not manipulate them into sublimating their goals in favor of ours.
It's easy to see why empathy is so rare. But, the best kind of love requires empathy.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Power Tools
For my 38th birthday, I bought myself a Craftsman power drill (19.2 volts) with two batteries that charge in an hour. Because what good is power if it doesn't last, right?
When I asked several handy, practical friends which power screwdriver to get, the first question they asked was: who's it for? Me, I responded, somewhat surprised. Is it so odd for a woman to want power tools for her birthday? There are plenty of girly things to do with a power tool, like drilling holes for studs to hook heavy picture frames and full-length mirrors. And assembling simple furniture and shelves to store and display the brass and turquoise jewelry I craft. Yes, traditionally my husband has been the one to assemble furniture, but as his career has grown more demanding, I've assumed more of the supposed manly jobs. And really, how complicated is a power driver? Sewing machines seem more complicated, and yet women have managed to use them for a century or two.
When I asked several handy, practical friends which power screwdriver to get, the first question they asked was: who's it for? Me, I responded, somewhat surprised. Is it so odd for a woman to want power tools for her birthday? There are plenty of girly things to do with a power tool, like drilling holes for studs to hook heavy picture frames and full-length mirrors. And assembling simple furniture and shelves to store and display the brass and turquoise jewelry I craft. Yes, traditionally my husband has been the one to assemble furniture, but as his career has grown more demanding, I've assumed more of the supposed manly jobs. And really, how complicated is a power driver? Sewing machines seem more complicated, and yet women have managed to use them for a century or two.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Heroes
So, I've been musing about heroes. I've been re-watching episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer with my tween son, and we've been talking about what makes a hero. My son is referring to the term as used by the Ancient Greeks, where Hero is a godlike champion fighter, as was Achilles.
The reason I love watching Angel and Buffy (again and again) is because of the heroics, and I'm referring to the emotional heroics as much as the physical. It's wish fulfillment, of course. In our me-centered world, it's exhilarating to see "people" acting on behalf of others, even to the detriment of their interests and lives. That to me is the real fantasy, and the supernatural creatures are only a small part of the surreality. Buffy has a mission to save individual lives and sometimes she has to save the whole world, with the help of her friends with whom she interacts daily. Some of her friends have special (magical) powers, and some are powerful mostly because of their love and their will to help. Everyone has flaws, and my favorite characters were once horribly evil, but have sought, and after much struggle, obtained redemption.
Many characters literally give their lives to save others. And Buffy has to do something even harder than dying for love; she has to live through the tedious everydayness of financially supporting and physically taking care of her younger sister. In Season 6, "Real Life," rather than something supernatural, is the "Big Bad," and the villains are human. And there's even a musical episode! If you haven't seen Once More with Feeling, you must. The emotional lives of the characters are so complex, and the ensemble cast is awesome.
I get a lot of flack for watching so much TV, but I generally pooh pooh such disapproval. Joss Whedon creates extraordinary fiction that makes me laugh and think deep thoughts. (Really, what is the meaning of life?)
Yes, this is escapism. But watching strong, confident men and women be champions for themselves and for the people they care about -- this is too good to pass up.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
I Want You Should Support Obama
I just joined Barack Obama's campaign for president. Wanna join me?
http://my.barackobama.com/friends
I know the political process seems superficial and lame. It is.
But our democratic system, however flawed, is better than most of the alternatives. And our government can, and must, be improved. And, as we all know, if you want something done right, YOU gotta go out there and make it happen.
Barack Obama gives me hope for a better America and a better world. WHY? Because I'm confident OBAMA WILL APPOINT BETTER PEOPLE TO RUN OUR GOVERNMENT AND OUR COURTS. To me, the power of appointment is the most important power a president has. We're talking about thousands of government jobs!
[Warning: SHPIEL] Obama and I share many goals:
Ending the Iraq War:
Obama courageously denounced the war from the beginning, and I marched against the Iraqi Debacle before it so predictably debacled.
Honoring our commitment to our veterans (for real, not just rhetorically):
Many veterans will be wounded for decades. Already, there is a rise in divorce among soldiers, and the stress on military families will continue. It's WRONG to ask soldiers to risk their lives, and then abandon them. And my momma taught me right from wrong.)
Achieving energy independence:
A gallon of gas costs how much??? We have the technology to energize in sustainable ways. Achieving SUSTAINABLE energy independence is in The National Interest; fighting to supposedly "stabilize" energy producing nations is NOT in The National Interest. Besides, oil is sooo 20th Century.
Stopping genocide in Darfur:
Here's something I learned in elementary school; if
you let the bullies get away with bullying, they only get worse. Asserting yourself IMMEDIATELY, and establishing consequence for bad behavior stops bullies. Why? Because bullies are basically cowards who respect power. Bullies don't attack everyone at once; first, they attack the weak, i.e., the kids who don't have posses or allies. Then they go after everyone who isn't strong, i.e., the regular kids and wannabes. We need to be the righteous, strong, popular kid who stands up to the bully. And if we need to kick bully as* once or twice, so be it.
We're not going to fix Darfur's systemic problems, build democracy, or promote racial harmony. That would be nice, but we gots lots of other stuff to do. We'll stop genocide, and prevent it from happening again. Period. We're not signing up for Nation Building 501 -- a graduate level course. We're doing Bully Control 101.
Where was I? Oh, yes. Goals shared by Obama and me...
Improving our schools: Bush's No Child Left Behind is a Mirage. Spending oodles to test the problem, and punish the problemees, and then declaring we don't have money to throw at a solution is so dumb.
Imagine for a minute you own a struggling construction firm. Following the principles of No Child Left Behind, you'd blow your money on a pricey management consultant, fire most of your people -- good and bad -- and then expect the remaining demoralized, overworked employees (who've been told how much they suck) to produce skyscrapers that meet code out of construction paper, popsicle sticks, and Elmer's glue.
While money doesn't necessarily buy quality, it's hard to get quality without it.
Radical, huh? Here's something even more radical: How 'bout we spend money wisely and try programs that have been proven to work? We might all learn a valuable lesson if we applied the principles of the scientific method to some educational problems. Rather than let our Currently Blissfully Blind Decider co-blind us, let's get Blinded by Science.
And the last reason to vote for Obama is that affordable universal health care is neither a dream nor a nightmare. It makes sense. Insurance companies currently spend so much time and money NOT paying for care, and doctors waste resources trying to get paid. Hospitals lose millions treating the poor in emergency rooms, and then try to pass those costs onto "wealthy" consumers. Companies drop coverage and/or raise premiums because health insurance is so crazy expensive. Does the current system sound efficient to you? The closeted economist in me groans as I write this.
So pretty please take a moment to learn more about Senator Obama and join the campaign:
http://my.barackobama.com/friends
http://my.barackobama.com/friends
I know the political process seems superficial and lame. It is.
But our democratic system, however flawed, is better than most of the alternatives. And our government can, and must, be improved. And, as we all know, if you want something done right, YOU gotta go out there and make it happen.
Barack Obama gives me hope for a better America and a better world. WHY? Because I'm confident OBAMA WILL APPOINT BETTER PEOPLE TO RUN OUR GOVERNMENT AND OUR COURTS. To me, the power of appointment is the most important power a president has. We're talking about thousands of government jobs!
[Warning: SHPIEL] Obama and I share many goals:
Ending the Iraq War:
Obama courageously denounced the war from the beginning, and I marched against the Iraqi Debacle before it so predictably debacled.
Honoring our commitment to our veterans (for real, not just rhetorically):
Many veterans will be wounded for decades. Already, there is a rise in divorce among soldiers, and the stress on military families will continue. It's WRONG to ask soldiers to risk their lives, and then abandon them. And my momma taught me right from wrong.)
Achieving energy independence:
A gallon of gas costs how much??? We have the technology to energize in sustainable ways. Achieving SUSTAINABLE energy independence is in The National Interest; fighting to supposedly "stabilize" energy producing nations is NOT in The National Interest. Besides, oil is sooo 20th Century.
Stopping genocide in Darfur:
Here's something I learned in elementary school; if
you let the bullies get away with bullying, they only get worse. Asserting yourself IMMEDIATELY, and establishing consequence for bad behavior stops bullies. Why? Because bullies are basically cowards who respect power. Bullies don't attack everyone at once; first, they attack the weak, i.e., the kids who don't have posses or allies. Then they go after everyone who isn't strong, i.e., the regular kids and wannabes. We need to be the righteous, strong, popular kid who stands up to the bully. And if we need to kick bully as* once or twice, so be it.
We're not going to fix Darfur's systemic problems, build democracy, or promote racial harmony. That would be nice, but we gots lots of other stuff to do. We'll stop genocide, and prevent it from happening again. Period. We're not signing up for Nation Building 501 -- a graduate level course. We're doing Bully Control 101.
Where was I? Oh, yes. Goals shared by Obama and me...
Improving our schools: Bush's No Child Left Behind is a Mirage. Spending oodles to test the problem, and punish the problemees, and then declaring we don't have money to throw at a solution is so dumb.
Imagine for a minute you own a struggling construction firm. Following the principles of No Child Left Behind, you'd blow your money on a pricey management consultant, fire most of your people -- good and bad -- and then expect the remaining demoralized, overworked employees (who've been told how much they suck) to produce skyscrapers that meet code out of construction paper, popsicle sticks, and Elmer's glue.
While money doesn't necessarily buy quality, it's hard to get quality without it.
For example, when I go shopping for Prosecco in diamond-studded bottles, or even Kool Aid in paper cups, people expect me to pay them.
Radical, huh? Here's something even more radical: How 'bout we spend money wisely and try programs that have been proven to work? We might all learn a valuable lesson if we applied the principles of the scientific method to some educational problems. Rather than let our Currently Blissfully Blind Decider co-blind us, let's get Blinded by Science.
And the last reason to vote for Obama is that affordable universal health care is neither a dream nor a nightmare. It makes sense. Insurance companies currently spend so much time and money NOT paying for care, and doctors waste resources trying to get paid. Hospitals lose millions treating the poor in emergency rooms, and then try to pass those costs onto "wealthy" consumers. Companies drop coverage and/or raise premiums because health insurance is so crazy expensive. Does the current system sound efficient to you? The closeted economist in me groans as I write this.
So pretty please take a moment to learn more about Senator Obama and join the campaign:
http://my.barackobama.com/friends
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Napoleon Invades
My youngest son's pet name on this site will be Napoleon (as that is his nickname at home). I used Picasa (free google picture program) to layer a photo of Napoleon onto a photo of the pre-Napoleon family threesome visiting the Viking Museum in Dublin. [SEE PHOTO BELOW] Primitive yes, but cool nonetheless.
My eldest son is really into military history, weapons, and scenario war games. He frequently quizzes me on the Vikings and other Invading Hordes.
Roman armies, having bested much of the known world for centuries, are, of course, fascinating to a young boy. I studied Roman history but apparently I didn't study the good stuff; I know diddy about legions and other troop formations. Mommy had to go and waste her time analyzing legal documents and historiography. Fortunately, I paid attention in Mythology class -- otherwise my son and I would have nothing engagingly Ancient to talk about. (Aside: When eldest son complains about the injustices of life -- "Mommy, you're ruining my life!" he once whined -- I tell him myths, such as the story of Prometheus. Were I truly mean, I would then make liver for dinner. But alas, my husband is a vegetarian, so no can do. And I guess, ultimately, I'm softcore.)
My eldest son is really into military history, weapons, and scenario war games. He frequently quizzes me on the Vikings and other Invading Hordes.
Roman armies, having bested much of the known world for centuries, are, of course, fascinating to a young boy. I studied Roman history but apparently I didn't study the good stuff; I know diddy about legions and other troop formations. Mommy had to go and waste her time analyzing legal documents and historiography. Fortunately, I paid attention in Mythology class -- otherwise my son and I would have nothing engagingly Ancient to talk about. (Aside: When eldest son complains about the injustices of life -- "Mommy, you're ruining my life!" he once whined -- I tell him myths, such as the story of Prometheus. Were I truly mean, I would then make liver for dinner. But alas, my husband is a vegetarian, so no can do. And I guess, ultimately, I'm softcore.)
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Goofy Girl:
Can You Find Me in this 70s Photo?
Behold: a photo of my Elementary School First Grade Class. Yes, of course I went to Catholic School.
I love looking at retro/childhood photos of friends, celebs (and just about anybody willing to reveal their early selves). I'm not quite ready to post my 80s photos (Yes, I once bought something that looked like a Western petticoat, and wore it on the outside. It wasn't so much that I had bad fashion sense. It would be more accurate to say that I had no fashion sense; I simply wore whatever was in vogue that I could afford.)
There will be a prize for the first person to email me with the correct answer. (I'm thinking designer earrings -- my creations, of course -- or an e-certificate for free songs/MP3-4s).
Friday, March 14, 2008
Good Life: TechCheck: Grateful Gorilla Gazette Emails
I'm generally annoyed by articles urging beleaguered wives to provide mostly positive feedback to their Martian husbands. Nonetheless, no matter how annoyed I get, I like to try what works, rather than what should work, but almost never does.
Nagging seems to work for my mother, judging from her lifelong reliance on the tactic, but I'm not a nagger; I don't have the stamina. Wars of attrition bemuse me (Sure, Vietnam beat the US, but, exactly, who won that conflict?). For me, to fight generally means to lose, one way or the other.
Anyway, it infuriates me to have to repeat myself, and repetition seems basic to nagging. Really, what part of DON'T EVER DO IT AGAIN is so difficult to understand? But alas, I've been married for nearly 11 years and I'm really tired, so the Positive Reinforcement LifeSaver is looking good to this sinking wench.
Nonetheless I feel dorky saying, "Honey, I liked it when you refilled the toilet paper in its holder, and remembered to write down 'toilet paper' on the shopping list, so I knew to buy more. It feels good to be able to wipe my as..."
Hmm. So I developed the "Grateful Gorilla Gazette," a (mostly) daily email I send to my husband headlining the things he did that day that really helped me and that I'm grateful for (like arranging my son's parent teacher conference and showing up for it yesterday, so that I didn't have to do the babysitting run-around with my toddler and then trudge into the city during rush hour; it would have involved 2-4 hours of travel for a 10 minute conference). I truly was grateful, and the authenticity of the email made be feel good about the whole thing. I got to stay home and watch "Weeds" as I relatively leisurely prepared dinner).
The Gazette emails can be dashed off in 5-10 minutes -- and you and the recipient have a RECORD of the exchange. (Read: Easy and Efficient).
The Grateful Gorilla Gazette idea sprung from a stuffed animal, called BrownNose Gorilla, which I bought my husband for Valentine's Day years ago. BrownNose Gorilla is dressed in a suit and has a microchip inside. When you squeeze the gorilla's hand, he praises. "Great Idea," he syruply says, "You're Awesome."
My husband really likes the e-bulletins. He gets deluged with e-demands and "requests" and criticisms all day at work, and my Grateful Guerrilla is like an e-bomb that explodes with positive energy (for him and for me).
When I'm grateful, my pie feels bigger. I feel like I received something; I feel fuller. Abundant. Hey, I think, there's enough here for me and others too. It's not like I had to slice a piece of the meager me to give to someone else.
So, publish your own Grateful Gorilla (or whichever animal avatar you choose) Gazette today. Think of someone who did something today or this week that you appreciated, that helped you, and dash off a quick e-thanks today. Don't spend too much time (unless you get fired up and want to keep writing). This is meant to be an easy and mutually energizing act that you can practice daily.
So get going, and grab some gratitude, and hurl it at someone. Now!
Nagging seems to work for my mother, judging from her lifelong reliance on the tactic, but I'm not a nagger; I don't have the stamina. Wars of attrition bemuse me (Sure, Vietnam beat the US, but, exactly, who won that conflict?). For me, to fight generally means to lose, one way or the other.
Anyway, it infuriates me to have to repeat myself, and repetition seems basic to nagging. Really, what part of DON'T EVER DO IT AGAIN is so difficult to understand? But alas, I've been married for nearly 11 years and I'm really tired, so the Positive Reinforcement LifeSaver is looking good to this sinking wench.
Nonetheless I feel dorky saying, "Honey, I liked it when you refilled the toilet paper in its holder, and remembered to write down 'toilet paper' on the shopping list, so I knew to buy more. It feels good to be able to wipe my as..."
Hmm. So I developed the "Grateful Gorilla Gazette," a (mostly) daily email I send to my husband headlining the things he did that day that really helped me and that I'm grateful for (like arranging my son's parent teacher conference and showing up for it yesterday, so that I didn't have to do the babysitting run-around with my toddler and then trudge into the city during rush hour; it would have involved 2-4 hours of travel for a 10 minute conference). I truly was grateful, and the authenticity of the email made be feel good about the whole thing. I got to stay home and watch "Weeds" as I relatively leisurely prepared dinner).
The Gazette emails can be dashed off in 5-10 minutes -- and you and the recipient have a RECORD of the exchange. (Read: Easy and Efficient).
The Grateful Gorilla Gazette idea sprung from a stuffed animal, called BrownNose Gorilla, which I bought my husband for Valentine's Day years ago. BrownNose Gorilla is dressed in a suit and has a microchip inside. When you squeeze the gorilla's hand, he praises. "Great Idea," he syruply says, "You're Awesome."
My husband really likes the e-bulletins. He gets deluged with e-demands and "requests" and criticisms all day at work, and my Grateful Guerrilla is like an e-bomb that explodes with positive energy (for him and for me).
When I'm grateful, my pie feels bigger. I feel like I received something; I feel fuller. Abundant. Hey, I think, there's enough here for me and others too. It's not like I had to slice a piece of the meager me to give to someone else.
So, publish your own Grateful Gorilla (or whichever animal avatar you choose) Gazette today. Think of someone who did something today or this week that you appreciated, that helped you, and dash off a quick e-thanks today. Don't spend too much time (unless you get fired up and want to keep writing). This is meant to be an easy and mutually energizing act that you can practice daily.
So get going, and grab some gratitude, and hurl it at someone. Now!
Between Paradiso and Purgatorio:
Welcome to my Hellmouth
Yes, I'm swimming into the Blogosphere. I've been hoarding witty rejoinders and...Must Get Insights Out...Too much reckless glee...About to blow...
I'm on leave from the graduate nonfiction program at Sarah Lawrence College and I'm itching to opine, words being my most soothing balm.
So Here's the Stitch: Topics will be broad.
I'm interested in getting technology to the masses, or at least kindred spirits, so that we all (w'all?) can do stuff together virtually. I'll be discussing new technologies (most of which are free) that I'm using (or more likely, learning to use), e.g., podcasting.
See, I've become reclusive, yet I'm super community-minded. (That's one of many paradoxes this blog might address). The demands of a toddler, a tween, and a lawyer-husband (strangely more taxing than the kids) have caused me to take refuge in my Fortress of Solitude. Classic introvert that I am, I tend to recharge when I'm alone. When I'm thinking creatively about stuff, listening to music, surfing the web for the next new thing...
Some posts will be focused on How to Live a Good Life (Ethics, Spirituality, Self-Care) and the practices that sustain the Good Life. I draw from Positive Psychology, Stoicism, the Bible, Wisdom Literature from many traditions (including pop culture), and life experience, mine and that of others I have observed closely.
I avoid platitudes. I prefer stories. Most people know the parables from the New Testament (regardless of religious background), the prodigal son, good Samaritan, etc. Why? Because we feel the truth told in stories in our viscera, in the pit of our chests, while abstract statements rarely penetrate our skin.
I set aside time to contemplate the Good Life, and I'm looking for kindred souls. I practice Gratitude fairly formally (to me, the exercise of gratitude is more important than physical exercise, which I also do, more or less, daily) and I will be providing instruction and sharing my gratitude experiences, and hope other bloggers will too.
WARNING: This blog will not be stuffy, and while I have strong convictions, I'm also fairly irreverent in the face of human folly, that of others, and my own. To me, death happens when laughter stops.
MORE WARNING: I can be goofy too. I'm a big fan of well-written, and dramatically-ensembled TV (read: good supporting characters and subplots). Note, for example, the Buffy the Vampire Slayer reference in the Title post.
So, to help you navigate my blog, I'll post with labels like:
TechCheck
Good Life
Goofy Girl Goofing Off
Ah, the Children (parenting tidbits)
so you can cherry pick among the pearly bites.
(Oh, and did you guess, I love, love, love word play, as This Blog's Title suggests)
Ciao for now
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